Anyone who’s ever worked in an office will know the kind of people I’m about to describe. When you start a job somewhere, naturally you work hard, try and do well, and integrate your way in as best as possible. But after a while, you realize there’s these other people, folks who’ve worked there for 15 or 20 years, who hardly ever seem to actually be doing anything. Except for the few times when they are. You’ll instantly know those times because they’ll be sure to tell you, loudly and repeatedly, about how much they have to do that day and how exhausting it all is. They routinely stroll in late, knock off early, and often take two hour lunches. You can count on them calling in sick at least twice a month. And if you engage in shop talk around the coffee maker (the one they always drink from but never brew or contribute to) they’ll toss out a “this place would fall apart without me” line at some point. You try to figure out what it is they do, exactly, and your best guess is as little as possible, while complaining to the boss often enough to somehow keep getting regular raises. When they go on vacation, the person who gets stuck covering for them quickly realizes it only takes about 6 hours to handle the entire weekly workload they constantly bitch about. They’re lazy, complacent, slow and entitled simply because they’ve been there for years. They never bring anything new to the table, they resist everything new that might upset their treasured routine. If another employee shows some drive or ambition, that’s when the resentment kicks in, followed by the vicious gossip, trying to undermine that person. It’s clear their interest is in maintaining their position rather the work they’re supposed to be doing. These people are the living embodiment of the inefficiencies the office environment creates over time. And they’re virtually indistinguishable in spirit and approach from big corporate publishers.
Dan Meadows is a writer living on the banks of the Chesapeake Bay. Follow him on Twitter @watershedchron