I come to you with a heavy heart this morning. The end of days is fast approaching. Earthquakes, floods, disease and other natural disasters plague the Earth. Everyone knows about the Mayans and the quickly approaching 2012 apocalypse. And today, there’s word that country music legend Willie Nelson cut his hair! This is truly a harbinger of the end times, a biblical-level event. War, Famine, Pestilence, Death and a short-haired Willie; has to be the five horsemen. Willie’s braids brought comfort to so many over the years, kept the IRS at bay and showed that even a man in his seventies, despite societal conventions, could rock some long hair with style and grace. Now, the red-headed stranger has a doo that looks like some kind of bobbed thing out of Ally McBeal. Is there no God?!? I’m sorry to have to lay this on you, but you’d better get your affairs in order. I’m going to go drown myself in a Whiskey River of old albums and weep for Willie’s lost locks. The end is near.